The Strange True Story That Changed How I Think About Fear

Today I want to share a short, strange, true story my mum told me recently. It's about fear, and about how little control we actually have.

My mum's mum, my grandma, had a really good friend back in the 80s who lived in Medellín, Colombia. Medellín has two airports, the main international one outside the city, and a small domestic one within Medellín itself.

My grandma's friend never flew on a plane. She had a severe phobia of flying, and despite having opportunities to travel, explore and visit other places, she never sought help to tackle her fear.

The tragic part of the story is that one day, a small plane took off from the city airport, it malfunctioned and crashed on top of her house, killing her and her family instantly.

When my mum first told me this story years ago, I thought it was some kind of metaphor. But she mentioned it again the other day, when we were talking about facing our fears. I asked her if she was sure it was real. She confirmed it was. She'd met the lady many times, and the news was published in the local papers when it happened.

What it made me think about fear

When my mum told me this, I felt something close to disbelief. It made me think, what is the point of worrying and fearing things so much, when there is actually so little we can control? If anything, this lady's fear of flying achieved the opposite of what it was meant to protect her from.

Had she found a way to work through it, she might have spent those years travelling, seeing the world, living fully, instead of staying home, where a malfunctioning plane found her anyway.

This story left me reflecting about how often we let fear dictate what we do or don't do. And yet, even when we try to avoid the thing we're scared of, it can find a way to make us face it eventually, often in a much worse form than the original thing we were fearing.

What happened to this lady is, of course, extremely rare and extremely unfortunate. But the lesson I've taken from it is to pay more attention to how I manage my own fear.

Where is it showing up and stopping me from doing the things I want to do?

Where is it installing limiting beliefs?

Where is it trying to amplify a potential negative outcome, when the reality is that the positive outcome is just as likely?

Fear exaggerates

Fear is so sneaky. No matter how much I've worked on my own fears, I always have to keep an eye on how it creeps back into my life, again and again. But I can genuinely say that the best things that have happened to me have required me to face up to my fears, confront them, and take action despite them. Fear really does exaggerate. Usually the worst that can happen is so tiny compared to what our mind tries to tell us.

Something to ponder

So I just wanted to leave you with something to ponder on:

What is your relationship with fear?

How does it show up for you?

How might it be limiting you from truly living the life you want?

For me, the next fear I'm currently working on facing is the fear of the unknown. I'll be off as a digital nomad in a few short months, and the amount of uncertainty and variables brings up all sorts of fear. I'm equally excited and looking forward to the experience, but I know fear will show up, and I'll need to be prepared to manage it.

How about you? I'd love to hear your thoughts and experiences.

Dr Marcela Aguirre is an ADHD-informed business coach for established founders, a medical doctor with 17+ years of clinical experience, and a former British Army Medical Officer. She helps founders build and grow a business that works with their brain, on their terms. Learn more at marcelaaguirre.com.